Julie Green Art & Photography

2020 – A year in the life of Peace and Chaos

December 27th, 2020

If 2020 taught us anything, it is that life is chaos.

In January 2020, we noticed something bizarre starting in Wuhan and we watched as the dominoes starting falling.

After the Australian bushfires of 2019-20, there seemed to be nothing that could top that kind of chaos, until there was:

The COVID-19 pandemic.

We have had pandemics before, but none in my lifetime so far that have made the world seem both more connected (globalisation) and disconnected (a system gone awry and families split apart).

To say it is strange to witness the tailspin reaching areas we are yet to see or know, from the downfall of economies to the personal and global impacts of social isolation, is an understatement.

It isn’t as if we have not had situations like this – no doubt 9/11 changed our world – but this feels new and unknown.

How will it impact us? What kind of life will we be living in 10 years time as a result of this? How can we navigate and thrive through it?

“In chaos, there is fertility.”
Anais Nin

Back to the idea of chaos.

Far too often I hear so many of us saying, “When things settle down, I’ll…… (see my friends or family, get fit, eat healthier, feel good, be less anxious, achieve all I hope to, ad infinitum)” when in reality, disorder and chaos or interruption and uncertainty, dare I sound naive, are certain.

It seems to have taken me a case of perinatal anxiety, depression and panic disorder, followed by floods, drought, bush fires, and a pandemic to find a deeper sense of peace than ever before.

Over many therapy sessions, navigating the waves of inner anxieties to external disasters or disorders, and learning to not just act in alignment with my values but be galvanised to do so, I have felt more acceptance and determination, which isn’t to say indifference, but quite the opposite.

To be all I hope to be, to experience life in all its fullness, means experiencing a spectrum of chaos and disorder both in the inner world and external world. I can blame anything for my suffering, but action towards my values makes a difference. That’s one lesson I’ll take.

In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.
Sun Tzu

2020 is a teacher, a wild one, a hard one.

May we each thrive beyond 2020 and stick together through whatever is yet to come. That’s the best we can do, right?

In chaos there is a cosmos, in disorder a secret order.
Carl Jung

Some highlights from 2020 below.
Spring through all seasons

November 13th, 2020
I walk around Cook Park, hoping to see a family of ducklings. We are greeted by three families of tiny fluffballs shooting through the water like torpedoes and their protective parents standing nearby.

I feel the hope of Spring. I see it in the ducklings snuggling up to their siblings and exploring their new world; I feel it in the warmth of the air, despite the unseasonal chill some days; I sense peace and growth too.

“Come with me into the woods. Where spring is advancing, as it does, no matter what, not being singular or particular, but one of the forever gifts, and certainly visible.”
Mary Oliver

Spring doesn’t come overnight. It teases its presence in July and then a cold spell hits in August while Spring’s just warming up.

It starts in fresias lining the pathways and nights warm enough to throw off the blankets, with the comfort that Winter may be over for another year.

“Some old-fashioned things like fresh air and sunshine are hard to beat.”
Laura Ingalls Wilder

I see Spring, or perhaps the seasons, as a metaphor for the joy, renewal and blessings that come after loss or grief or pain of any kind. I’m also learning that these things don’t have to follow one after the other. Grief or sadness can live simultaneously beside gratitude or love (if Inside Out taught us anything). I am learning to accept the seasons of the mind but also the seasons of emotions that can come any moment. Waves of joy can be swiftly followed by discomfort or anxiety, and yet that is just to be human.

I feel the serenity and promise of Spring. While that’s not to say that’s every part of Spring, the warmth and new life envelope me and remind me to embrace every part of life and death, remaining curious, and living fully – not just in the Spring, as without the Winter, Spring wouldn’t seem full of promise. Without the Winter, how could we see such growth?
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”
Audrey Hepburn

What if Spring isn’t just a season but a possibility within any moment or experience? Spring could be the feeling of a warm embrace of anxiety in the Winter and, rather than longing for Spring to come, it could be the push to get moving to sow seeds in Winter – especially the seeds of self-compassion, self-acceptance and love.

I wonder.

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Cook Park, Orange New South Wales

February 26th, 2020

It has been too long! I would love to post more nature photography but I have not taken the best or enough shots in recent times to post.

I have been preoccupied with family life and was not trekking as much (and not nearly as early to catch the morning light!), but the latter is changing steadily and there are many upcoming adventures on the cards.

Still, some of my best days are spent outside, like here, at Cook Park in Orange. As you can see, it is host to some of the most beautiful trees and it makes for a wonderful subject, especially in the morning light. And you do not have to wake up and get out at a less than ideal hour to catch the light.